Continuing the conversation for mental health awareness month (see all the stories here).
Story #2
My symptoms look like having to do things over and over again until I get them “right” or horrific things will eventually happen to me…
What is your diagnosis?
OCD, Generalized anxiety disorder, Paranoia with psychotic features.
What do your symptoms look like?
My symptoms look like having to do things over and over until I get them “right” or horrific things will eventually happen to me or my loved ones. I always think people hate me or are talking about me.
My anxiety hurts my chest and makes me hurt mentally and physically. I have trouble breathing. I sometimes feel like I’m not myself, or that I’m out of my body and don’t know how to control it. Feeling like I can’t control myself or my impulse feelings, self harming, talking myself out of suicide; it’s very scary.
What do you wish people knew about your diagnosis?
I don’t know, I just want patience and understanding from my friends and family.
Share a story where your diagnosis/symptoms significantly impacted your life.
My symptoms started after I gave birth to my son. After that, I ruined everything I had with his father. The second I didn’t feel love or reassurance, or the tiniest argument or negative situation, I left because I didn’t know how to express what was going on in my head. I hardly remember years of our relationship because I wasn’t taking care of myself.
How have you seen yourself grow because (or in spite of) your mental illness?
I have found myself growing from my mistakes and learning how to cope better with everything that goes on in my head rather than contiplating suicide and self harm. It’s a slow process, though.
Counselor reaction:
General comments or reactions:
Paranoia is such a difficult diagnosis because it is almost always comorbid with another diagnosis. I can’t imagine having paranoia and not having other diagnoses such as an anxiety disorder or a depressive disorder. Constantly wanting to do things right, constantly worrying if people like you or not, that would most definitely trigger criteria for other disorders.
How can friends and family members support someone who suffers from paranoia? How does it affect their relationship?
Paranoia as with any mental illness is going to be difficult for someone outside of the experience to understand. People can only try to imagine what it’s like to suffer through a mental illness if they have never experienced it for themselves; because of this, it’s hard for friends and family to connect to an invisible issue. This is frustrating for friends and family, but it is even more frustrating for the person suffering through the illness.
As if battling a mental illness is not enough on their plate, when you add in the mental illness being paranoia, it’s an uphill battle that seems to have no peak. Remember when talking with someone who is battling paranoia to keep things simple, do not argue with them, and if you feel that someone is in immediate danger, call 911. It’s also important to always remember to help the person in any way that you can. If their paranoia relates to a fear of dogs, keep them away from dogs. If having a light on fuels the paranoia, then keep the lights off. Keep it simple, and direct.
About this series: It was a great desire of mine to share stories from real people who live with a mental disorder. The goal with this series is to shed light on what it’s really like for people. What it looks like day-to-day and how it affects their life. But also to see just how strong these people are. While the impact is strong on the individual experiencing it, a mental disorder also impacts family, friends, and coworkers. So it was also important to me to bring in a licensed counselor to read and react to these stories, and to share a few helpful tips to better understand and respond to a loved one who struggles in this way.
About the counselor: Andrea McDonald, MAC, NCC, LPC is a licensed professional counselor living in Kansas City. She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology, criminal justice, and sociology in 2012 from Simpson Collage, and went on to receive her master’s in counseling from Mid America Nazarene University, studying marriage and family therapy/counseling in 2019. She has 8+ years of youth and family counseling experience. Andrea has a beautiful, huge heart for others, and it’s an honor to have her as a friend (and fun fact, she’s my soon-to-be sister in law!) You can connect with Andrea on Instagram: @KCSelfCareStudio
Photography by: HNV Photography KC // Special thought and consideration went into this project to honor the stories that were told and I couldn’t think of a better collab partner. Heidi, you have a gift and your ability to capture the raw, real emotions is inspiring to me everyday. Thank you, friend!
***Note, while I hope the information shared here is insightful, it is not meant to serve as official medical advice or diagnose any symptoms you may be experiencing. If you have any questions regarding your mental, behavioral and emotional health, I recommend you speak with a licensed professional.***
