Continuing the conversation for mental health awareness month (see all the stories here).
Story #3
Yeah, my mood can swing hard, but don’t call me psycho..
What is your diagnosis?
Depression, Bipolar disorder
What do your symptoms look like?
Daily ones include: low self esteem, low energy, reduced sex-drive, self-hatred, irritability, withdrawing from friends. I’ve read that my poor memory could be a symptom of depression but I don’t know if it’s directly related to it.
My bipolar symptoms are random mood swings, manic behavior with money, poor decision making, abnormally upbeat and talkative, and racing thoughts. And then at my worst, helplessness and hopelessness + substance abuse resulting in thoughts of death and suicide.
What do you wish people knew about your diagnosis?
I wish people knew that it’s a lot more common than they think and it doesn’t make you “psycho” because you have these symptoms.. at least I don’t think I’m psycho, but that term really does hurt my feelings. Yeah, my mood can swing hard, but don’t call me psycho..
Share a story where your diagnosis/symptoms significantly impacted your life.
I was most significantly impacted by my diagnosis/symptoms when I hit rock bottom and was planning suicide, which ultimately landed me in a mental hospital. My mental illness led me to dropping out of college one semester away from receiving my Master’s Degree, living on my own in a place I couldn’t afford, drowning in credit card debt, “working for myself” as a designer then unemployed, abusing alcohol and drugs in addition to being on stimulants and multiple other medicines for my mental illness. Things were spiraling faster than I knew what to do and I felt SO LOST. I felt no other way out.
How have you seen yourself grow because (or in spite of) your mental illness?
I’ve seen myself grow because of my mental illness because I had to learn what it takes to keep going no matter how hard things get. There is hope and I truly do believe in a saving grace. Since I was redeemed, I learned that you not only have to be strong for yourself but for others. I’ve grown by being more self aware and not selfish, living to my fullest potential for those bigger than myself; my loved ones and those who need me. I’m here for them. And I didn’t see that so clearly before.
Counselor reaction:
General comments or reactions:
Bi-Polar is a very frustrating diagnosis in the sense that you are unable to control your mood changes. Some would say that they prefer to be manic, some would say that they prefer to be in a depressed state, but unfortunately, Bi-Polar Disorder does not let you choose which mood you want to be in and when you want to be in it. That makes the disorder even more stressful and frustrating for the person battling the illness.
How can friends and family members support someone who suffers from bipolar disorder? How does it affect their relationships and work life?
Bi-polar disorder can be an extremely difficult disorder for friends and family to witness due to the ups and downs that come with the disorder. A person may appear manic and be extremely happy, extremely productive, and seem as if they have “overcome” this illness. And then as short as a few hours or days later the same person may be struggling to get out of bed, claim to have no energy, and be extremely sad. It is devastating for friends and family to watch this switch and consistently watch this vicious cycle go around and around.
Because of this constant roller-coaster, relationships both personal and professional become extremely difficult to maintain. Behaviors and moods can change vastly and unexpectedly, which makes it impossible to predict a person’s behaviors; even for the person. This is extremely difficult for friends and family to understand, but from an employment perspective, it makes it even more difficult for the ill person to maintain a professional position, when their reliability is often at question.
About this series: It was a great desire of mine to share stories from real people who live with a mental disorder. The goal with this series is to shed light on what it’s really like for people. What it looks like day-to-day and how it affects their life. But also to see just how strong these people are. While the impact is strong on the individual experiencing it, a mental disorder also impacts family, friends, and coworkers. So it was also important to me to bring in a licensed counselor to read and react to these stories, and to share a few helpful tips to better understand and respond to a loved one who struggles in this way.
About the counselor: Andrea McDonald, MAC, NCC, LPC is a licensed professional counselor living in Kansas City. She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology, criminal justice, and sociology in 2012 from Simpson Collage, and went on to receive her master’s in counseling from Mid America Nazarene University, studying marriage and family therapy/counseling in 2019. She has 8+ years of youth and family counseling experience. Andrea has a beautiful, huge heart for others, and it’s an honor to have her as a friend (and fun fact, she’s my soon-to-be sister in law!) You can connect with Andrea on Instagram: @KCSelfCareStudio
Photography by: HNV Photography KC // Special thought and consideration went into this project to honor the stories that were told and I couldn’t think of a better collab partner. Heidi, you have a gift and your ability to capture the raw, real emotions is inspiring to me everyday. Thank you, friend!
***Note, while I hope the information shared here is insightful, it is not meant to serve as official medical advice or diagnose any symptoms you may be experiencing. If you have any questions regarding your mental, behavioral and emotional health, I recommend you speak with a licensed professional.***